Episode 02: Healing in the Haze: How Cannabis helped me stay alive
There’s no easy way to say this: I almost didn’t make it.
After my wife left and took our son, after everything I built came crashing down — the restaurant, the relationship, the plans — I reached the edge. I stared at the end and convinced myself it would be easier if I just disappeared.
But something kept me here. And cannabis played a big part in that.
This blog isn’t about glorifying weed. It’s not some shallow “cannabis is the cure” pitch. It’s about survival. It’s about what happens when everything is stripped away and you’re left with nothing but a broken heart, a racing mind, and the weight of fatherhood resting heavy on your shoulders.
Cannabis helped me stay. And maybe, if you’re on the edge, it can help you too.
The Shift: From Escape to Intention
Like a lot of people, I used to use cannabis to check out. But during my darkest nights — the ones where silence was deafening and sleep was a stranger — I started using it to check in.
I didn’t want to be high. I wanted to feel okay.
I started microdosing in the mornings just to slow the anxiety. I smoked at night to stop the spiral of racing thoughts. I wasn’t chasing a high — I was chasing peace. Sometimes, even just holding the ritual — grinding flower, packing a bowl, stepping outside — gave me structure on the days I had none.
My Mental Health Toolkit (Built Through Pain)
This is what worked for me — it might not work for everyone. But here’s how I used cannabis to get through the grief:
Low-dose THC during the day to take the edge off anxiety and stay present for my kids
CBD-rich flower or tinctures when the panic attacks hit or my chest wouldn’t stop tightening
Evening sessions with intention — sometimes with music, sometimes journaling, sometimes just silence
Creative use — podcasting, painting, sketching scenes for my Herb Green series — helped me turn pain into art
Cannabis didn’t solve everything, but it helped me keep going long enough to face everything.
Using Cannabis With Respect
Cannabis can be your ally, but it can also become your crutch if you’re not careful. The key — at least for me — was intentional use. Not just lighting up to numb out, but asking: What do I need right now? Clarity? Rest? A moment of relief?
That’s what makes the difference between healing and hiding.
This Is Bigger Than Me Now
I created this blog — and everything around it — not because I’m a cannabis expert or some guru. I created it because I know what it feels like to lose yourself. To look at your life and wonder how the hell it got here. To want out.
And I know what it feels like to choose to stay anyway.
Cannabis helped me stay. Art helped me stay. My kids helped me stay. And now? Telling my story helps me stay.
If You’re Struggling Too…
Let me say this directly to you:
You are not broken. You are not a burden. And you are not alone.
You don’t have to have it all figured out. You just have to take one breath. One hit. One honest conversation. One vulnerable step.
And if cannabis can help ease the weight on your chest — if it can open a little space in the darkness — that’s enough. That’s worth exploring. Just do it with care. With intention. With love for yourself.
You matter. You’re needed. Someone out there loves you — even if it’s just a stranger writing a blog who’s been through the fire too.
In Part 3, I’ll talk more about how I’m using art, business, and cannabis culture to build something that can help others heal — not just survive.
Until then: stay. Breathe. And light one for the ones who can’t.
